In 2018, I married my lovely wife at a church that had significant meaning to us outside of the state we lived in. As a Catholic, my main concern was being married during a Mass. Of course, we obtained a certificate for our wedding in the county our wedding took place in. I married my wife in front of our family and friends. We had an incredible wedding, reception, and honeymoon. Then, we returned home to New York. What happens next is part of why I believe we should abolish legal marriage.
Maybe We Should Abolish The DMV…
After changing her address for banks, credit cards, and bills, my wife needed to change her name. In New York, one goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to perform a name change. For those who haven’t been to a New York DMV, it is a magnificent embodiment of bureaucratic incompetence. After a long wait, my wife obtained a form and instructions on what proofs she would need to return with to change her name. Phone calls, letters, and weeks later, she returned to the DMV with everything in hand. The person she interacted with this time told her the first form was incorrect.
My wife returned a third time. She had the proper forms, statements, and our marriage certificate. This time, she faced a new problem. Our marriage was considered invalid in New York.
Legal Marriage in New York
My wife broke down in tears. After hours of work to meet the requirements, she was told that our marriage wasn’t real by someone across a desk from her based on a technicality. The county that we married in provided a marriage certificate with an ink seal. The state of New York requires a raised seal.
At a surface level, this technicality doesn’t appear to be a huge issue. Fortunately, the county we married in was happy to provide us with a certificate that checked all of New York’s boxes. I remain grateful for their assistance. That doesn’t change the fact that there is a larger issue here.
First, one’s name can be synonymous with one’s identity. In this case, it was to demonstrate that we were two that had become one. But who cares? If one is able to show that the appropriate creditors are on notice, why should anyone not be able to change their name for any reason? This should be up to the individual. The government’s approval should not be a requirement. Putting them on notice is fine, but they should not get the final say.
I apply the same thought process to marriage. Who is the government to say that my marriage was not valid due to the kind of seal on my marriage certificate? My wife and I said our vows in front of plenty of witnesses. The only responsibility we should have after that is to put the government on notice, not to request their blessing.
Give The People What They Want
As I said earlier, my main priority was marrying my wife in the Church. Many prioritize their church, mosque, synagogue, or other houses of worship. Some people like to get married at a sentimental location. Others will get married in a drive thru in Las Vegas. While one’s local city hall remains an option, it is almost no one’s first choice.
My point is that people don’t marry to please their government. There is good reason for this.
Marriage fascinates me. Well before there was even a hint of globalism, marriage was individually conceptualized by nearly every culture, tribe, religion, and so on. Whereas the general premise of marriage is relatively universal, the details of it can differ considerably. In the most diverse country on Earth, can we really expect that our governments’ definitions of marriage genuinely don’t exclude certain cultures or faiths? I personally don’t believe that such a definition is possible. Given that it seems impossible to include everyone without asking people to compromise on their beliefs or to prioritize certain bureaucratic aspects of modern marriage that are unimportant to them, let’s just abolish legal marriage instead.
Abolishing Legal Marriage Allows Marriages To Flourish
Abolishing legal marriage isn’t about downplaying the role of marriage or the family. It is about celebrating it. Marriage is personal. The confines of bureaucracy benefit no one; however, freedom from those confines allow people to fully actualize themselves in their relationships within the context of their own backgrounds. Likewise, it should allow us to experience others doing the same, which will provide us a glimpse at their perspective.
In a moment that defines our lives, I find it reasonable to think that its validity should not be dependent on whether those we pay our taxes to find it appropriate. I recognize that marriage would need to exist for more boring purposes, such as shared liability and taxes. As I said earlier, I believe our only responsibility should be to put the government on notice for those more boring purposes. Otherwise, let the people be free to do as they wish.